NRA Family Reimagines Fairy Tales with Firearms

When you were a kid, did you ever hear a story from olden times about a hero fighting a monstrous dragon or other beastie and think, My pops could take care of that with his 12 gauge, no problem?

Well, for those kind of folks, the NRA has released a series of illustrations on its NRA Family website, partnered with author Amelia Hamilton, that add firearms to depictions of classic fairy tales, according to this story from The Washington Post.

The outcome might have been a little different for Mr. Big Bad Wolf if Little Red had been toting a rifle on her way to grandma’s house, or if the Three Little Pigs had a few M&P Shields in IWB holsters.

Not only that, but the illustrations come with stories too, hence the partnership with Hamilton.

Here's what she did with the tale of Hansel and Gretel, originally starving siblings abandoned and lost in the woods when they stumble upon a candy house with an evil witch inside. Her version reimagines the two as a pair who have gone hunting and find the witch's captured victims.

From the story:

“The boys directed Hansel to the key that would unlock their cage while Gretel stood at the ready with her firearm just in case, for she was a better shot than her brother. Hansel unlocked the cage and opened the door. The hinges gave a groan and the sound of the witch’s snoring stopped, the silence filling the room as they looked at each other in panic. Gretel got her rifle ready, but lowered it again when the snoring resumed.

“Needless to say, the children made it home.

“After reuniting the boys with their parents, it was time to take on the witch … and get some hunting done in the meantime. Villagers, prepared with rifles and pistols, headed into the forest, Hansel and Gretel leading the way.

“When they came upon the witch’s cottage, the sheriff locked her into the cage in which the boys had been locked just the night before, to be taken away so she could never harm another child. The sheriff stood guard as the villagers hunted, coming back with more game than they had been able to find in months. There in the woods, the village held a feast.”

Hamilton previously gave the same treatment to “Little Red Riding Hood” as a little girl with a “rifle over her shoulder and a basket for her grandmother.” In that one, it was the armed grandma who was the heroine:

"The wolf leaned in, jaws open wide, then stopped suddenly. Those big ears heard the unmistakable sound of a shotgun’s safety being clicked off. Those big eyes looked down and saw that grandma had a scattergun aimed right at him. He realized that Grandmother hadn’t been backing away from him; she had been moving towards her shotgun to protect herself and her home.

“'I don’t think I’ll be eaten today,' said Grandma, 'and you won’t be eating anyone again.'”

The idea drew mixed reactions from folks embroiled in the gun rights battle, with the anti-gun folks posting responses such as “Jack & Jill went up hill. Jack fell down & dropped his gun. Gun discharged. That was the end of Jill” on Twitter (for all those magic guns that discharge when they’re dropped).

Gun-rights activist Bob Owens, editor of BearingArms.com, wrote that the first installment in the NRA’s fairy tale series was “a lot less violent that the original tale with no one being murdered, drowned, or cannibalized. “But that bloodless outcome has apparently upset the delicate sensibilities of Media Matters and their audience,” he said, “because Ms. Hamilton had both Red Riding Hood and her grandmother use firearms to self-rescue themselves and capture the wolf.”

Owens was commenting on the decidedly anti-gun comment section on this post from mediamatters.com.

He went on to write: "So you would rather have one of the more traditional endings to the tale," he wrote, "where the grandmother is slaughtered and fed to her granddaughter by a sadistic predator, or Red is violently murdered for being allegorically promiscuous, than have both women confidently and competently save themselves with a tool?"